Yay Me!

I just got back from the gym!

Wait, let me enjoy that moment for a second.
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Yeah, that feels good. I am so proud of myself for going even though I was a bit self conscious. Today I just followed along with other peoples workout so that I could get the feel for the place and the machines. I will have a private training session on wednesday. My upper body is shakin' quite a bit now. I also got on an elliptical for 10 minutes. I couldn't do more than that yet. I feel like I am starting all over again, but at least I am headed in the right direction. One of the trainers gave me some crap about how 10 minutes would not do anything for me and that I should get back on for another 20. I don't agree with him on that. I will work on building up to 30 minutes but for now I am proud of that 10. I am going to celebrate the little victories in my life. I think that for the first time back in a gym in 10 years that I did quite well.

On a similar note, I was reading Laura and Chia's posts for today and they are having a challenge to see who can lose the greatest percentage of weight before January 5th. I am going to join the challenge to motivate me to workout when I am out of town this weekend. I won't have access to my gym but I can still move. I am making myself a promise however to not stress out about it. I don't want to fall off of the wagon again. Especially since I just paid up so much money to join a gym. I want to get my moneys worth, Yo!

I am not sure how the weigh in process is going to go but I weighed myself at the gym today and I am up to 300 lbs! Time to get my but in gear.

I will be out of town again until about tuesday and I don't know if I will have access to the internet or not so if I don't I will update you all on how my time went when I get back.

Until then, I hope you all have a wonderful day, weekend, and so forth.

Happy Training,
Love Jenn

Leap of Faith

Well, maybe more like a leap of determination.

I need help. I have not been able to get going on my own so tonight I got a gym membership and a personal trainer.

I have been avoiding this decision because of the cost, that is until I had to go buy more pants because all my old ones are too tight. I realized that for the price of those pants I could pay for 3 months of gym time! I still got the pants because I really don't want to have to go to Christmas parties in my birthday suit, but I also made the decision to go to a gym.

I really liked this gym too. It's small and there are not a lot of people bumping into each other. It's 24 hours. The personal training comes with the membership. All in all a pretty good deal.

I got to take the tour with the owner/trainer and we talked about my goals and what I wanted to accomplish with my training. I didn't agree with everything he said but overall I was impressed.

My first training session is next friday and I am excited to get started.

I am ready to get healthy!




On another note. I am working all weekend and then next week we are heading down state for Christmas so I won't be posting or commenting until next friday after my training session.

I hope you all have a Wonderful Holiday!

Happy Training,
Love Jenn



P.S. What the heck is with all of this snow!?! Do we really need 10 inches of snow in one day? Seriously?

The best sprained ankle story ever!

I was sitting in my favorite chair this past saturday evening, with my feet up on the foot stool (that is actually a workout step) and decided to get up for a refill of my water (honestly!). When I pulled my right foot off of the stool and set it on the floor nothing happened. No pain, no numbness, not even an itch! This made me feel confident so I did the same with the other foot. Mid movement I heard a loud POP and there was PAIN. Oh boy was there pain! I had sprained my ankle, which was confirmed by a real doctor ( not the imaginary one that I usually visit).

How is that for a crazy story? I don't even know how it is possible to sprain an ankle while sitting down. WTF!!!!!

So anyways. This week I am a gimp. I am limping around and complaining of my pains. Pathetic.

But what is worse than being an invalid is being treated like one.

You see I have this amazing man in my life who seems to think that I should not be up doing things like cooking and dishes and vacuuming. He won't let me carry laundry up and down the stairs (although I did finally convince him that I could handle carrying the detergent). He even gets me refills on my water when its needed.

Now you all may not know this but I am a very stubborn person. I am most likely to do things that I have been told not to do. So I listen to him tell me that he will cook dinner and I should just rest, then I go ahead and cook anyways. I go get my own refills when he isn't quick enough to stop me. I even did some dishes today while he was at work. That will show him!

Happy Training,
Love Jenn

P.S. No you cannot have him. I am quite attached and rather enjoy doing things that I am told not to do. We work!

Setting smaller goals.

Ok, I have a lot of weight to lose. I know this. I have a goal weight of 150. This means I have 140 pounds to lose to reach my goal. It's a really big number but it's doable. I know how to get there. I know what I need to do to succeed. I know what I should and should not be eating. I know what exercise my body responds best to. I have successfully lost weight before. So why is this time so hard? Why does this feel like an ongoing struggle?

I always start out strong. I eat right, exercise, and the weight starts to drop right off. I feel amazing during this period. I start fitting into my cloths better. I have more energy. I feel good about myself. So why does that always come crashing down? I feel like I am a crash test dummy! Speeding forward only to hit a brick wall.

Well, I was reading something today that may give me a clue. I think the problem lie's not in my execution but in my goals!

You see until tonight my goal has been that big number. 140 pounds! That is huge. In my recent pursuit of weight loss glory I have been focusing on that number. In the past year there have been times when I was down 30 pounds or more. This seems like a big number until you put it up next to my goal.

140-30=110

I still have so far to go. I start to get depressed. I lose focus. I cry about the 110 instead of celebrating the 30. This causes me to lose motivation. "Why work so hard for so little results!?!" starts playing in my head. Then I start missing workouts. I start sleeping later. I start eating to drown out the noise in my head. The voices telling me that I have failed again, that I am worthless, that I will never beat this. It does not take long for me to end up back where I started, or worse. I find myself faced with that number again. 140. Always there, always tormenting me. I feel defeated, disgusted, and disgraced.

I am back at that number again. 140. It haunts my dreams and lurks around corners and in the shadows waiting for a chance to jump out and knock me down again. 140. Like the bully at school, whose greatest pleasure was the suffering of others. 140. My demon. 140. My constant companion.

Well not any more. I am not falling for that trap again. My goal is 10 pounds. I am going to celebrate that 10 pounds. I am going to treat it like the holiday that it is. 10 pounds is not only doable and realistic, but it's also a challenge. 10 pounds is a step in the process. 10 pounds puts me closer to the endzone. 10 pounds is my friend. My best friend.

And when I have reached that 10 pounds, when I have celebrated that 10 pounds, I will start to look forward, toward the next 10.

And the next.

And the next.

Till one day I will be standing at the other side of my nemesis. Till I have the upper hand in the fight with my bully. Till I am standing at the gates of 140 and laughing.

10 pounds. I can do that!

Happy Training,
Love Jenn

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!





Love Jenn, Whit and Butter

Irrational Fears and Neurotic Tendencies: Part 2

As a continuation of my last rant (which you can find here if you really need to read it) I am about to leave for work and it's snowing fairly heavily. This brings to mind my fear of loosing control. This fear is especially bothersome when driving on snowy highways, which is what I am about to do! I am mostly sane on the straight aways but if I have to use one of those 360 off ramps I start to panic. There are two of them on the highways between home and work.

I think I am taking the back roads today.

Happy Training,
Love Jenn

Fourth Pic, Fourth Folder... Blah!Blah!

Ok so everyone and their uncle is doing this 4th pic in the 4th folder thing so I thought I would too! Why not? What could it possibly hurt, right?



A little over a year ago in September my friend Missi finally married a keeper! Doug is a good man and he not only loves her but he treats her with respect which is more than I can say for anyone else she has been with. She had an interesting wedding by most peoples standards. They had the wedding out at her farm. It was outside in a pasture area by the horse pens. The ladies rode down the "aisle" on horse back, which required me to be a horse wrangler in her wedding! (I always get weird looks when I say that.) In this picture Missi is showing off her new boots. She had just recieved them as a bridal gift the night before along with that hat. I had more fun at that wedding than any I have ever attended before or since.

I love Ya Miss Thang! Keep it real Girl!

If you would like to see more of the wedding pics you can check out my picasa album.

Happy Training,
Love Jenn

P.S. Whew! That was painless. I though I was going to end up with this photo.




I'm sure glad that didn't happen because then you all would just think that I was showing off!